RESOLVING CONFLICTS
“lower the temperature. find the high ground. drain the energy.”
The Lesson
To de-escalate conflict: (1) Bring your energy way below theirs. If they're at a 9, come in at a 4. People are copiers. They'll match your lower energy. (2) Find a trusted third party both people respect. 'Why don't you ask Bob? You both trust him.' (3) Use the high ground maneuver. Find something both agree on that's above the details. 'New data comes next week. Why argue now?' (4) Point out the argument probably isn't that important. Most things people debate aren't worth the energy. Both parties will often realize this when you say it out loud.
Real-World Example
Two engineers arguing about architecture approach in a meeting. Energy is high. You enter low: 'Hey, what's going on here?' (not matching their intensity). Suggest: 'Let's run it by the tech lead you both respect.' Or high ground: 'We're launching in two weeks anyway. Why not just try both approaches in separate branches?' Or: 'Is this decision even reversible? If not, worth the fight. If so, maybe not.'
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