MANAGING OXYTOCIN TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS
“relationship problems are oxytocin problems. attend to the chemistry.”
The Lesson
Oxytocin is the hormone that makes you feel bonded and complete with another person. If you think about relationships as 'who did what,' you're on the wrong level. Think biological. Get the oxytocin right and all the little annoyances disappear. Oxytocin boosters: sex (even if not in the mood, force it a little), compliments, initiating touch, flirting, focused attention, showing you care. Oxytocin depleters: separation, not responding to texts, selfishness, 'whatever' responses that show disinterest, complaining and criticizing. Within hours of doing more boosters and fewer depleters, you'll feel better. Don't think 'who left the toilet seat up.' Think 'who didn't get enough oxytocin.'
Real-World Example
A founder and their partner have been fighting over small things, dishes, schedules, who said what. Instead of analyzing each conflict, the founder thinks: oxytocin. They've been traveling a lot (separation), distracted by their phone at dinner (no focused attention), and haven't been physical lately. They make a deliberate shift: initiate touch when they walk by, put the phone down at meals, give genuine compliments. Within a day, the petty conflicts evaporate. The toilet seat doesn't matter when the chemistry is right.
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