MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS
“join something interactive. befriend the connector. know what you give.”
The Lesson
Adults can't just decide to make someone their friend. You need a vehicle. Join a team or group, preferably one you organize (gives best exposure). Look for interactive activities, not just sitting in the same room. Befriend a connector-the party person who exposes you to 25-50 people through their network. Know what you give: are you funny? Generous? Do you have a fun house? People are transactional about friendship even if they shouldn't be. To deepen acquaintances, share small secrets (nothing blackmail-worthy). Eventually reciprocate-if you go to parties, host them. Friends come naturally through shared activity.
Real-World Example
A founder relocates to a new city with zero network. They join a recreational soccer league (interactive), identify the social organizer of the group (connector), and make friends with them. Through the connector, they get invited to dinners and events, meeting 30+ people in 3 months. They host a post-game gathering at their place (reciprocity). They share a small vulnerability with someone they want closer (secret). Within a year, they have a stronger network than people who've lived there for a decade.
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